I found several chats with various people that made me uncomfortable.

What kind of things?

He has told some of them that he is single.

Okay that doesn't seem right.

Maybe he's just getting massages for a bad back, the rest is a little weird especially if he's really telling people he's single

I've learned the hard way that checking up on someone brings only bad things...of course as women, it's hard for us to resist the urge. If you confront him, he's going to deny it and he's going to make you the "bad one" because you snooped...buuuut...from what you've said, it seems pretty clear that he is at the very least doing things that are not appropriate, and at the worst...he's cheating. I've been through it, and I hope that's not the case, babe, cause it is some traumatic shit.

I don't guess I have any good advice...but I wish you the best...hopefully you two can work through this whether it be a minor lapse in judgment on his part or a full blown affair...

Oh man, JU is being shitty again i just typed a whole comment and the page didnt appear, grrr!

Anyway basically what i said was you need to confront your man. Look him in the eye when he answers. His attitude should tell you what the truth is. Ask him what s up with the chat.

You guys need to have a good talk.

And dont feel guilty for being suspicious, i'd feel the same way if i was in your shoes honey.

Sending good vibes for things to go your way!

Wow this thread has everything in it. Drama and suspense and even a bit of thrill. It's pretty obvious you're posting this to get some hopefully positive feedback from others here and you're debating whether or not to see the uncomfortable truth. Suspicion will bring nothing but (high school-antic) jealousy. It's quite simple really. When you're with a partner who truly loves you and truly wants to be with you for the rest of their lives deep down you will know it. You know how you'll know you've found the true love of your life? By whether or not you're asking people whether it's suspicious that your partner goes into chat rooms (likely adultish ones), tells the hotties of the opposite sex that he's really single, always leaves right after leaving the chat room, has strange unexplainable phone numbers on his cell phones, has cell phone numbers in his wallet which leads to a *sheesh* a 'massage therapist', etc...For some reason I think this thread is a prank or something. If not, it's the most crazy Babe in the Woods routine I've come across.

That was really uncalled for Reiki, if you cant say something nice just shut up, ite?

NebraskaWoman: IF what you say is true, your husband definitely, 100% mounts whores and is likely attempting to have one or more affairs. Men do not randomly jot down massage parlour phone numbers and carry them on their personage without reason, ever. Married men - and women - have no business whatsoever in chatrooms.

IslandGirl: From conflict comes growth. I've seen a lot of posts here on JU lately - always by Girl Bloggers - which can be summarized thusly: "I just drowned my babies, took up heroin, and orally serviced a dozen guys at the bus station. Is that bad?" This is usually followed by platitudinous pap from nonconfrontational and nonjudgemental bloggers such as yourself, like "whatever you think is best, honey" and "only you know what's good for you", which further enables them into their spiral of despair.

Tell me: how can one exercise good judgement when judging itself is considered a bad thing? Personally, I don't think restricting ourself to "nice" thoughts when dealing with serious matters such as infidelity is such a good idea.

You're not helping these people by telling them what they want to hear; it would be more wise and humane to speak frankly. Everyone has a voice, everyone has a purpose, even "mean" old bloggers like me, reikihouse, and greywar who have all been hassled by people like you in recent threads when we inject a little reality into the situation. Greywar got called an asshole yesterday for explaining very politely to a very confused housewife that boys are somewhat fond of girls; personally I just avoid these threads, even when they seem to me like cries for help.

Girl Bloggers: Should you or others choose to air your dirty laundry in public and seek public, anonymous input, please don't chimp out when a blogger tells you what you need to hear rather than what you want to hear.

David St. Hubbins

NW....I dunno what to say, except to echo TW's advice. Sometimes snooping around gets you answers that you either don't want are aren't ready for.

If you want to talk about this away from JU, you can email me....my address is on my blog page.

Hey David St Hubbins, i just want to say that my only advice was for NW to confront her man. Feeling suspicious is certainly not a sin in her case.

it would be more wise and humane to speak frankly.

That's exactly what i did.

I apologize for being rude to Reiki, but i didnt like how he made his point and once again was honest bout it.

Anyway, i'm probably wrong, so sue me

If he ain't cheating yet, he sure seems to be working up to it.
Now, what do you do with your information?
Confrontation can lead to a point of no return, Is that what you want?
If infidelity is not the end-all for your marriage, I do not reccomend confronting him, at least not point blank, evidence in hand, explain this to me damnit....

You say you're too tired to be with him, this translates to me that you are taking him for granted ( same goes on in my house, I remain low on my wifes priority list, somewhere behind the dog, I maintain faithfulness out of fear of child support payments and the division of marital assets )
I have cruised the dating services on-line out of boredom, chat some in a "fantasy" based mode, and avoid potential situations that could foster an affair.

What could my wife do to releive the stress of complacency?
PAY ATTENTION TO ME !!!!
Damn the girl scout cookies for one evening, let her mother figure out her own problems, tell our son to find a babysitter for the grandson a couple of nights a week, don't bring work home, get our teen son to help our daughter with her homework, get the kids to take care of their dog, their laundry, their dishes, maybe even let them cook a night or two......
She could come by for lunch on her day off, she could initiate kissing me goodnight, she could ask how my day went, she could sit and watch a TV show with me once and a while. We could go out for dinner without the brood, maybe even a movie...
What do I get? "I'm tired", "I'm busy", "Not tonight", this has been going on since I "retired" from a previous business ( Bankrupcy ) after which I struggled financially for a couple of years, went back to school, and then opened a new business, which has returned the old cash flow back to previous levels.
That trauma aside, all has returned, with the exception of her affection...........

PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR MAN IF YOU WANT TO KEEP HIM !

geez, if my wife snooped on me as much as that, i'd cheat just to get away from her

What kind of things?

I'm not going to go into detail but alot of it was sexual.

but I wish you the best...hopefully you two can work through this whether it be a minor lapse in judgment on his part or a full blown affair...

Thanks TW.

And dont feel guilty for being suspicious, i'd feel the same way if i was in your shoes honey. Sending good vibes for things to go your way!

Thanks and we did sit and talk about some of it last night. I'm still debating on mentioning some of what I have found.

For some reason I think this thread is a prank or something. If not, it's the most crazy Babe in the Woods routine I've come across.

I only wish this was a prank, but it is completely true.

If you want to talk about this away from JU, you can email me....my address is on my blog page.

Thanks, I'll keep that in mind.
Ok, now Dynosoar,

You say you're too tired to be with him, this translates to me that you are taking him for granted ( same goes on in my house, I remain low on my wifes priority list, somewhere behind the dog, I maintain faithfulness out of fear of child support payments and the division of marital assets )

I said that I work odd hours and don't always have the energy to go out. Just Thursday I worked 16 hours straight. Then I came home and got 4 hours sleep before having to get up get the kids fed, dressed, dropped off at daycare so I could go in and work another 8 hour shift. When I got home last night I was exhausted. We had a conference that came through to tour the jail and we had several new inmate plus 20 inmates to take to court. I ended up cutting my 30 minute lunch hour short so that we wouldn't be understaffed on the floor when we had all of these inmates heading to court. When I got off work last night I was tired but hoping that we could go out together anyway because last night was the only night I have off this weekend. (I work until midnight tonight.) But last night after supper he said he was going to run across town and see what his brother was doing. I was busy trying to get the baby to finish eating her supper. So he left and didn't come home until 1:30 in the morning. (I know he wasn't at his brothers because when he didn't come back after an hour I called to see if he was still down there.) So Dyno, Don't say that I am taking him for granted just because there are times when I am too physically tired to go out to the bar until 1 in the morning. You don't know what I have to deal with at work day in and day out. Sometimes in Correction's work it is mentally exhausting what you have to deal with. But I enjoy my job and since I am new to this facility I am still in my six month probationary period and I don't always get to choose what hours I get to work.

PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR MAN IF YOU WANT TO KEEP HIM !

And please don't sit there and say that I don't pay attention to him just because I don't always want to go out. Our sex life has never been a problem and still isn't.

geez, if my wife snooped on me as much as that, i'd cheat just to get away from her

This is the first time, I looked into any of his things. And it all came about when I accidently called a phone number on our cell because I thought the number I needed was the last one that came in. It was a big surprise when a strange woman answers. That's when I started to suspect something was going on. The rest just kind of pointed in that same direction.

You know I can see why some people delete postings and such. I choose not to even when some of those posts seem to be posted just to be rude and/or totally uncalled for. I appreciate all your comments even the ones that I don't think have any point to them.
{To you that did actually seem to care here is an update.} Last night, he went out alone before giving me a chance to even mention that I wanted to go out with him, {I even had a babysitter lined up}. When he got home I was still awake, partially because I was too mad to sleep. We sat up for a while and we did have a talk about him assuming that I wouldn't want to go. {And to think I used to be the one that always wanted to go out and he was always wanting to stay home.} We got some issues aired out and we both feel better and we are getting along better right now too. Next weekend we are going to Powell, Wy to a friend's wedding. The kids aren't going so I think that maybe we can figure out where we stand and see if there is anything we can do to fix the mess we have gotten into. Wish me luck. Thanks again.

Neb,
I vented my frustration at a similar situation, and gave you my opinion of how I feel, a look at the other side if you will.
There never seems to be enough hours in a day once you stir in family, children, work, and sleep. That said, it still doesn't eliminate the feelings of neglect by the slighted party, (rationale be damned) your own post reveals that your husband, for whatever reason, assumed you had no interest in being with him....
There does seem to be positive communication in your post as well, that's good. Perhaps once you are tenured at your new job the pressures will relent, and you can channel more energy into your relationship.

I've always believed that you get out of something directly purportionate to what you put into it, invest your time wisely into what is important to you and it pays dividends. Neglect that investment and "bankruptcy" is bound to occur.

Once again, good luck!!

Thanks, Dynosoar. My hours are still crazy. {I worked 60 hours just last week.} But we have been making time to sit and talk when I get home and I usually call him during my supper break. So things are starting to improve. Plus we are starting to plan our weekend away. I think that will make a big difference.