The REAL Story After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. "So, how is everything going?" inquired God. "It is all so beautiful, God," she replied, "the sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem. It is these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out, and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They are a re...

This is an email that a friend sent to me recently. I thought it was great. So I had to share it. Hope you like it. According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington recently was faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lipprints. Every night the maintenance man ...

The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for blood plasma. No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven (7) times. Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes. You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television. Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty (50) years of age or older. The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum. The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache. American Airlines...

HOW TO TELL IF YOU NEED TO PRAY AT WORK - > > When a co-worker comes in a little too happy singing "good morning" to > everyone and you think, "Somebody needs to slap the shit out of her"... > You need to pray at work. > > When someone comes in and announces, "office meeting in 5 minutes," and > you think, "what the f..k do they want now?"..... You need to pray at > work. > > When your computer is mysteriously turned off and you want to say, > "which one of you sons of bitches t...

He said . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it. She said . . . You wear pants don't you? He said . . .... Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said . .. That's a good idea, you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart! He said . What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? She said . ....Turn sideways and look in the mirror! He said . . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? She sai...

Words With Two Meanings: 1. THINGY (thing-ee) n. Female... Any part under a car's hood. Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra. 2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. Male.... Playing football without a jockstrap. 3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner. Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys. 4. COMMITME...

RESIGNATION I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8 year-old again. I want to go to McDonald's and think that it's a four star restaurant. I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make a sidewalk with rocks. I want to think M&Ms are better than money because you can eat them. I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer's day...

{I got this in an email today and Thought I needed to share it. I am a BAD American. Are you?} YES, I'M A BAD AMERICAN by George Carlin I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American. I am George Carlin. I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some mid level governmental functionary be it Democratic or Republican! I'm in touch with my feelings and I like it that way, damn it! I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer, it makes you a smart Ameri...

Men are like.... 1. Men are like ........Laxatives ...... They irritate the shit out of you. 2. Men are like .......Bananas ...... The older they get, the less firm they are. 3. Men are like ........Weather ..... Nothing can be done to change them. 4. Men are like .......Blenders ..... You need One, but you're not quite sure why. 5. Men are like ......Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips. 6. Men are like ....Commercials ...... You ca...

One of my favorite comedians, Larry the Cable Guy. For those who aren't easily offended, check out his new album. Link Let me know what you think. Who is your favorite comedian?

Signs you have lived in Nebraska too long..... {I don't quite qualify but it's close} ...you've been on television at least 3 times describing the sound of a tornado. {Nope, never been on tv to describe it but I could if I had too.} ...you take pride in knowing that on Saturdays, Memorial stadium is the third largest city in the state. { } ...you brag to other Nebraskans about being from Omaha. {Nope, havn't even been to Omaha. Lincoln a few times though} ...you know how...

A friend sent me this joke a while back and I thought it was great. Hope none of the gals from Texas or Florida take offense though. NEBRASKA WOMEN One man was from Texas, one from Florida and one from Nebraska. They got acquainted and started talking about their problems with their wives. The guy from Texas began by saying "I told my wife clearly that from now on she would have to do all of the cooking. Well, the first day after I told her, I saw nothing. The second day I sa...

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death. The question?....What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man,...