Signs you have lived in Nebraska too long..... {I don't quite qualify but it's close} ...you've been on television at least 3 times describing the sound of a tornado. {Nope, never been on tv to describe it but I could if I had too.} ...you take pride in knowing that on Saturdays, Memorial stadium is the third largest city in the state. { } ...you brag to other Nebraskans about being from Omaha. {Nope, havn't even been to Omaha. Lincoln a few times though} ...you know how...
Signs you have lived in Nebraska too long..... {I don't quite qualify but it's close} ...you've been on television at least 3 times describing the sound of a tornado. {Nope, never been on tv to describe it but I could if I had too.} ...you take pride in knowing that on Saturdays, Memorial stadium is the third largest city in the state. { } ...you brag to other Nebraskans about being from Omaha. {Nope, havn't even been to Omaha. Lincoln a few times though} ...you know how...
A friend sent me this joke a while back and I thought it was great. Hope none of the gals from Texas or Florida take offense though. NEBRASKA WOMEN One man was from Texas, one from Florida and one from Nebraska. They got acquainted and started talking about their problems with their wives. The guy from Texas began by saying "I told my wife clearly that from now on she would have to do all of the cooking. Well, the first day after I told her, I saw nothing. The second day I sa...
A friend sent me this joke a while back and I thought it was great. Hope none of the gals from Texas or Florida take offense though. NEBRASKA WOMEN One man was from Texas, one from Florida and one from Nebraska. They got acquainted and started talking about their problems with their wives. The guy from Texas began by saying "I told my wife clearly that from now on she would have to do all of the cooking. Well, the first day after I told her, I saw nothing. The second day I sa...
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death. The question?....What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man,...
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death. The question?....What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man,...
The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for blood plasma. No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven (7) times. Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes. You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television. Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty (50) years of age or older. The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum. The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache. American Airlines...
The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for blood plasma. No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven (7) times. Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes. You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television. Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty (50) years of age or older. The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum. The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache. American Airlines...
HOW TO TELL IF YOU NEED TO PRAY AT WORK - > > When a co-worker comes in a little too happy singing "good morning" to > everyone and you think, "Somebody needs to slap the shit out of her"... > You need to pray at work. > > When someone comes in and announces, "office meeting in 5 minutes," and > you think, "what the f..k do they want now?"..... You need to pray at > work. > > When your computer is mysteriously turned off and you want to say, > "which one of you sons of bitches t...
HOW TO TELL IF YOU NEED TO PRAY AT WORK - > > When a co-worker comes in a little too happy singing "good morning" to > everyone and you think, "Somebody needs to slap the shit out of her"... > You need to pray at work. > > When someone comes in and announces, "office meeting in 5 minutes," and > you think, "what the f..k do they want now?"..... You need to pray at > work. > > When your computer is mysteriously turned off and you want to say, > "which one of you sons of bitches t...
Three strangers strike up a conversation in the airport passenger lounge in Bozeman, Montana, while awaiting their respective flights. One is an American Indian passing through from Lame Deer. Another is a Cowboy on his way to Billings for a livestock show and the third passenger is a fundamentalist Arab student, newly arrived at Montana State University from the Middle East. Their discussion drifts to their diverse cultures. Soon, the two Westerners learn that the Arab is a devo...
Three strangers strike up a conversation in the airport passenger lounge in Bozeman, Montana, while awaiting their respective flights. One is an American Indian passing through from Lame Deer. Another is a Cowboy on his way to Billings for a livestock show and the third passenger is a fundamentalist Arab student, newly arrived at Montana State University from the Middle East. Their discussion drifts to their diverse cultures. Soon, the two Westerners learn that the Arab is a devo...
He said . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it. She said . . . You wear pants don't you? He said . . .... Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said . .. That's a good idea, you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart! He said . What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? She said . ....Turn sideways and look in the mirror! He said . . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? She sai...